Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
