I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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