Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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