mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
