You smell like stripper and shame
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
