Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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