We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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