kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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