I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
