Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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