I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
