I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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