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• (620): View more from Kansas

  my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"

  (785): View more from Kansas

  you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Capitaan dildo arrescate!

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Guess what happened to me today at work?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  I have chlamydia. What happened.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.

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• (830): View more from Texas

  Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Why are our lives so predictable?

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1

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• (817): View more from Texas

  And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over

  (817): View more from Texas

  And hydrate too

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