I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
