my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
