Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize