fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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