2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
