I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
