hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
two words...techno handjob
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
