There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
