38 yer olds are good kisserssss
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
