1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
