Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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