i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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