I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
