Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
