I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
