Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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