Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
