I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
