A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
