I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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