to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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