so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
