I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
