I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
True strength comes from lack of pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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