Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
