in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
