pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize