Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
