That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
