It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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