You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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