i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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