the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
