Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
