i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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