Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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