Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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