you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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