I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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