So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
