I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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