i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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