Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
