nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
