Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
