Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
