need another drink. this is the easiest way
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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