my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
