i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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