I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
