i wish my penis had a tongue
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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