I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
