So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
