he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
