If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
