Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
