There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
