Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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