i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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