Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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