I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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