i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You ate ashes out of my bong
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
