She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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