life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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