so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
