We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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