I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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