found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
