Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
