I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
