Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
