i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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