1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
