Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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