he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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