dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
