We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
