My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
