I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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