so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
