I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
