What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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