If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
