Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
