Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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