do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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