I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
