Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
